I’ve noticed that
erythema every time ( wth, autocorrect!) I hit working five days a week I’m just utterly and completely miserable.
I think I’m back to the ” what am I living for” now. Work, work, work, & money disappears. My money was set to disappear on Thursday when I get paid Friday. I just… Haha. I can’t anymore.
I just want to sleep all day to escape reality. It’s better than doing drugs, right? Though I have a feeling me and alcohol are going to know each other very well soon.
Hopefully I’m stronger than this. I’m really tired though.
My brother recently asked me for $300 because he is pretty broke coming from a five week road trip. Not to mention all these pharmacist tests he had to sign up for which added to over $1000. And to fix his car for $2000
Of course I couldn’t say no. This was coming from a father-figure brother, who gave up a couple years of his golden twenties to support the family.
This morning I got the message that he is in need of another 500-600. Money drives me totally crazy. My sister is splitting with me this time, but it’s still such a big burden.
I have to save up for Hong Kong next summer, my sister is getting married. But I don’t think it’s going well. This sucks, because if anyone remembers it was the only thing keeping me going.
I’m so tired all the time, my legs are always sore, my muscles are sore. I just want to rest more and work less. I’m really, really, really exhausted.
Well, to be fair I’m doing pretty good job for an almost 18 year old. 3 jobs and 15 an hour for one of them? Score Christine, score!! You’ll succeed in the future, I know it! Hard work pays off and don’t forget that.
Xoxo and some extra cause I really need it xoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxox
So I went to training the past couple of days, and it was pretty hectic. I have a lot of the online stuff that I have not finished yet, with not a lot of time.
The guys there know that I’m young and they’re really helping me out. I’m really thankful. Great co workers are really important and hopefully We can go to that brother/sister relationship. It’s always good to have a couple of those. (:
I’m excited and a little weary. I’m missing so much training and we are opening soon.
Pray for me
I suddenly just have so much feelings.. Is it even possible to feel jealousy, uncomfortable and frustration all in one morning?!
I woke up and started thinking about yesterday, my brother graduated from pharmacy school ( YAYY, officially breaking out of the rut) and we went our to dinner with his girlfriend’s family. I have a family of four, and she had a family of three, we went to a steakhouse and had dinner. It was good, the food was really filling. But he grabbed the check in the end and that just made me feel so uncomfortable. I just, I can’t. It’s bothering me so much I feel so bad. I mean, it was super nice of him. But ugh… I can’t !!
Whatever, I’m trying to push the feelings away. I go on Instagram to wake myself up. ( it’s my sad pathetic daily routine) I’m scrolling, checking out how many people liked my pic at my bro’s graduation, and then I see her picture. My friend just got a shiny new white SUV as an early grad present. don’t be jealous, don’t be jealous is what I keep chanting in my head, but obviously it doesn’t work.
Then as I go on to WordPress to blog about my feelings, ( because by now it’s overflowing) my sister tells me my mom and my even older sister are fighting on our group chat. My mom causes so much problems with her mouth. I honestly think it’s so hard to get along with her. Ugh.. I just cannot.
Life is so annoying, please just take me out or something.
I hate it when I end up with negative income … It’s so bad.. It’s like I didn’t earn anything the whole month.
How does one save more money?! $$$$
…. & stop making my standards so high! What is wrong with you? Is your sole existence just to make males feel bad about themselves, and for females to feel bad for not having you? You’re so sinful.
It’s one thing to do bad things, it’s another to CONSTANTLY talk about it.
& the know it all attitude really bugs me too. It’s not even you’re trying to guide me, more like you’re trying to show off everything that you know about everywhere. I cannot !!
So okay, fine. I will blog about it.
The other day my friend got really offended by the way I speak to him. I basically asked friend ” how is your stupid self doing ” and he got mad. Honestly, you’ve known me for so long, knowing this is the way I speak, why would you get mad… I do not understand.
& It’s also the fact that we always joked around to have him suddenly like this, I just laughed. Literally, I LOLed when he typed ‘ what is your problem’ as a response.
Because if you scrolled to our last real conversation from 2 months ago he scared me by pretending to get mad when I said something about going somewhere (nothing offensive). I believed him, and thought he was joking this time too.
I can’t take the hot and cold type of thing. Okay, you’re growing up, whatever. Way to make me feel more pathetic than I already do by saying ” I just don’t tolerate this type of language anymore” I’m sorry you’ve been tolerating me all along!
I can’t believe I actually felt bad that night. …..Why am I even thinking about it right now.
So, friend, if you ever come across this. Yes, I’m actually kind of mad. Not the kind where I will not speak to you. But I don’t think we can ever be the way we were before. If it was ever really anything to you. Don’t get me wrong, I still care for you, and definitely wish you the best in everything. That is something that will never ever change, but I just think maybe our personalities are not very compatible. I’m insensitive and probably immature, according to you.
I don’t remember if I blogged about this but my lower back is getting really annoying. The DR. said I don’t move enough & for me to do yoga. So whatever. Been doing yoga the past two-three weeks for four to five times a week. It really helped in the beginning, but now it’s… I don’t even know.
When I bend bend bend to my limits, sometimes it will feel better; sometimes it makes it worse. Sometimes it hurts so much after I bend that I cannot even lay on my belly because there is constant stinging.
Then when I don’t bend to my limits it will still hurt. Then I bend my back while I shower & somehow the pain is not as prominent again.
So honestly, I don’t even know if yoga is helping.
I really am getting frustrated and annoyed though. It’s not serious enough for me to eat tylenol, but.. I just feel like something is in my back.
what is wrong with me !! I do not have time to go to the DR again. o m g
And the song happy from pharrell. So much better than those weird music that I hear from ancient Chinese dramas when something evil is about to happen.
Too bad she only teaches on Thursdays. I don’t usually go on Thursdays.