Friend got pissed

So if you know anything about my friendships you will know that I never get mad at my friends and vice versa. Today was probably the closest we got to it.

V. cancelled the plans for something that was planned for a while. It was for O.’s birthday back in April.. Lol O, naturally for upset.

Sigh I just think if I wasn’t poor and had to work I would be able to make more time for her … Idk .. Haha oops sorry I like to complain. Bye

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18 Struggles Of Having An Outgoing Personality But Actually Being Shy And Introverted

When did I write this? I don’t remember ….

Thought Catalog

This… this is my soul song, people. This is my Vietnam.

1. You’re not anti-social, you’re selectively social.

2. At any given point, you have one (maybe two) best friends who are your entire life. You’re not a “group of friends” person. You can’t keep up with all that.

3. Social gatherings that are supposed to be “rites of passage” like prom and dances and other such typical nonsense is just… not for you. You don’t understand it. You want nothing to do with it.

4. When you do choose to grace a party with your presence, you are the life of it. You’re dancing on the table and doing body shots until 3 a.m.

5. … You then retreat into three days of complete solitude to recover.

6. You go out of your way to avoid people, but when you inevitably have to interact with them, you make it…

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sorry not sorry

I was watching some youtube videos from comedians that I enjoyed from the past, and I came across a really good commercial from Pantene. 

I am sooo guilty of over apologizing. It’s true. Why do I apologize so much? I always catch myself saying it even if it isn’t my fault. Exactly like the commercial above. 

Instead, being more straight forward, and replacing your apologizes with what you really mean can show the world even more of what you really are. Not apologizing for an idea, and not apologizing for walking in on someone/ something. 

I’m not a really good writer, just watch the commercial. The examples are so flawless. 

Wanderlust

Sudden really wanting to go on vacation, just for some peace and quiet. There are so many places I want to go, so many places I want to be in. I definitely have to be a traveling something when I grow up because I cannot afford all this traveling myself..

Wish me luck,

Xoxo,

C.

cat calls

They really aren’t something to really boast about. Literally everyone gets cat called. If you’re skinny, fat, average or whatever. It’s because beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Or sometimes, maybe you’re showing a lot of skin. Like me just this night. 

I was the perfect target because:

a.  I was wearing a tank top. 

b. It was after 11. ( guys get braver after 9, lol )

 c. I was alone (This usually doesn’t stop most boys, but.. let me just add it in here) 

 

So just picture this young Asian girl walking in a tank top and long harem pants with a bag/duffel. I just left the hotel and I’m at the corner when a bus makes a turn in front of me. 

The black, old, driver decides to stop mid turn for a good five seconds to give me a kiss and a really big smile. Cat call #1

Just a tad grossed out because of this man’s age, I make a quick disgusted face and carry on my year long journey home. (okay, it’s only around 15-20.. but you get the jist here. I hate walking) I get hungry, call home to find out no one loves me and therefore did not cook me food; I am on my way to get a box of spicy hot wings & fries. 

On my way to the chicken store I see two cute guys walk out the bar coming my direction. I’m walking by them and I catch one of them looking at me. No cat calls here, but still! +1000 life points, C. !! Cat call #1.5? 

Or maybe he was just looking because I was towards him. Sigh. 

Anyway, fast forward ten minutes: I received my chicken, opened, it, & was tearing that shit down while I was walking. I’m holding the box of chicken& fries with my left hand, drumstick in the other, and headphones in one ear. 

In my mind I know that I already am being really ratchet, so I try not to eat too crazily. I see two young people coming out from the next block and settling at the crosswalk. Perhaps to take a smoking break. I don’t know, whatever. Mad people smoke there for no reason so I don’t put too much thought into it. 

So I’m eating this drumstick, ratchet level pulled down a notch because my subconscious knows I’m on the streets. (Though still pretty damn high) I’m getting closer to the two young people.. Im’ thinking to myself: I’m almost finished chewing this bite, should I go for another? If I take a bite now they will see me and that’s going to look really ratchet. 

Fuck it,  I decided, and went for a bite. Took such a big bite that part of the crunchy skin came off and I had to tilt my head up to catch the skin. 

As my head was coming back down, one of the two guys came close to me. He was a tall Asian, most likely Korean. White T-shirt, shorts and a snap back. Nice jaw line, not too skinny, but not buff enough. Overall still a 7/10 ( Sorry this is just girl’s automatic male-body-evaluation)

He asked me if I knew where 165th street was, and I told him. I asked him what was the cross street, he told me. I pointed to the wrong direction. Then i caught my mistake and pointed him back in the correct direction. Shy and polite smiles were given from both parties. He gave his thanks, and said ” You’re really cute, by the way!” Cat Call #2, & from cute guy so bonus points +1000000 

By this time my back was already facing him, and I chose to ignore it. He was cute, so it made me giddy and smiley for the remainder of the way home. Good to know that just cause he’s cute it didn’t make me lose my senses. It was dark and late, so I think I did the right thing.

Though perhaps I should have turned around and ran to him, climb over his shoulders and licked his face. ( need water, lol ) 

Just kidding. It was just a very nice random compliment that God gave me today that I really appreciated. Even when I felt really ratchet there is a nice young guy that thought differently. It’s always a really good feeling when someone thinks highly of you even when you don’t feel very.. worthy. 

So yeah, that’s tonight’s story. If you read it don’t laugh at me. 

xoxo,

C.  

friends? lol! stop playing gamessss

I feel so dumb that I treated other people so much more important than what I was to them. Going back to my facebook and seeing my attempts to mend friendships makes me so mad. There is a group on facebook for most of the seniors from church. I asked if we could meet again before everyone leaves (justified, right? everyone is going to college!) & ONE person replied. 

ok. Sorry for caring about the friendship more than you. 

Whatever, I’m not even sad that I lost x amount of friends. It’s just like, shit… seriously? ouch.. just got slapped in the face HARD with reality. 

 

& maybe it’s cause I was in a pissy mood since my brother pissed me off. Which actually doesn’t really happen very often. I’m actually not very pissed anymore hahaa.. & that was only like 5 minutes ago… lol. 

Now I’m mad at this whole lame friendship thing. 

& now I’m okay, I just want to watch my drama. Main character just “died”. Wasn’t born yesterday so I know my bb is still there. So, gotta run!

XOXO. 

 

 

Leaving

I was scrolling through Facebook and came upon some pictures my friends from my old church posted. I suddenly realized how many friendships I’m leaving behind. All it took was one conversation with a friend.
wow, how did I drop all of this so easily? It makes me feel stronger, kind of like a nothing-can-tie-me-down type of feeling. & I think that’s what I like, not to be controlled by anything, being free spirited. I really like this new empowering feeling.

But I know that’s not totally me all the time. I get tied up with feelings. Friends, family, … Basically just people in general. I just hope I can bring this fast-to-let-things-go attitude with me. It will help me become the successful woman that I know I will become.

gogogogogo