& who can say they have done what I’ve done

I’ve just transferred 1g into my brother’s account without looking back. He just took half of my security away, and I’m in a point where I can’t earn it back. Not until 3 or 4 months later.

I’m thankful for him though, he’s done way more for me. So this is just to reassure me that it’s ok, all is not at ends.

I just don’t feel as safe anymore.

Unifoelfj

I want to move really far away and start over.

I hate the feeling of treasuring a friendship more than someone else does. It makes me feel so stupid and silly. Ugh.

This is why I need to be alone. Friends are such complex earthlings.

I need to move away. Too bad I’m staying close by for college. $$$$

& then there’s work for the next 4 days. Shoot me shoot me.

I am still having problems with my manager. Deep breath, Christine. You’ll get through this week.

XOXO to myself.

Good updates

I got a text from my ex-boss telling me to sub in for the past Saturday. I had a 6am shift -1pm & told him I could make it at the office by 1:30. He said okay, 1:30 was fine.

Long story short, I GOT A RAISE—from my old job. After much debating, I agreed to be their sub for Saturday afternoons until they found someone. He rose my pay as an incentive.

Thus, I’m officially a full time student & full time worker!! (40+ hours a week) It’s tiring, definitely, but I can’t imagine life not working. It makes me feel important and useful. Not to mention: money=security.

Hope everyone stays safe in the snow,

Xoxo
C.

Gloomy days call for gloomy posts.

I hate the feeling of being under appreciated.

I’ve been paying the family’s phone bills every month since freshman year in high school. There’s four of us, so it adds up to a lot.

It’s really really sad when my mom doesn’t understand how much I’ve already sacrificed for the family. After the bills this month I’m left with 30 dollars in my pocket. There’s so much that I can do with the money for the bills, but I choose to do what I do. The bills are more than half my pay check. She makes me seem like I have a lot of extra money that I’m trying to hide from her. I don’t. I’ve been wanting a new bag for ages but all I can afford right now is a 12 dollar one on amazon.

I’m crying, and I’m disappointed in myself. This happens so many times I would’ve thought I’ve been used to it by now. Crying makes me feel silly.

Xoxo, GG.

It’s so hard not to gossip. People’s lives are just so much more interesting than mine. Such a bad habit, I know. I’m trying, I’m trying. I always feel really guilty …but it’s..interesting. Gossiping is the perfect definition of a guilty pleasure.

Are discussions okay though? … Of other people’s lives. #kidding

Sigh. Life is so hard.

A useful life lesson learnt in 2013

I do a lot of self reflecting on my own time. Although it makes me question myself a lot, as well as lower my self esteem; there are times when it is deemed very useful. Most of my epiphanies stem from self reflections. It stimulates my thinking; which is so something, unfortunately, that I don’t do very often.

My sudden outburst of realization actually sprung from a conversation with a friend of mine. I used to dread talking to this friend, because friend comes to me with nothing but problems friend is always experiencing.

Sometimes when people tell you their problems, it’s easy to get caught up along with the person’s conflicts and feelings. When this happens, it gives me a lot of stress. There’s this sense of responsibility in me that I have to resolve the issue. I get cranky, pull out my hair and bang my head against the wall. However, I learnt that you need to give the person advice and not walk around with the weight on your own shoulders. You simply give in your two cents, and walk away. You may choose to stay to listen, but remember not to conjoin the person’s perspective with your own. This way, you will be able to give the person a good piece of advice with an open mind. It’s important to learn to help others without adding on stress to yourself.

I hope everyone has a great new year! Cheers to 2014, to new beginnings. Next post will be in a year! Toddles!

XOXO.

-C.